


Never use a penis mold for Ice cream

by Kanra_chan



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Accidental crack!, Established Relationship, Lime, M/M, Multi, No actual sexual content but NSFW, a little ooc, but probably not, oblivious!izaya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 14:51:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6709357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanra_chan/pseuds/Kanra_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinra just wanted to have some fun.</p><p> </p><p>   This is a gift to ALL shizaya writers and artists and fans! I've gifted/tagged a few of my favorite Shizaya writers who really brighten me up with their works. Special thanks to LegendOfMajora, tzaya, and tastewithouttalent! I literally live for Shizaya, and you three have brought me the best there is. If you've written something for Shizaya and I didn't tag you don't worry. I still love you. </p><p>This is jist supposed to be funny, no one has to read :3 </p><p> </p><p>This is real old, and I didn't mean to update it like it was new. There is no new content aside from a funny, minor addition I put in that doesn't have anything to do with the story. God, this fic is embarrassing xD<br/> </p>
            </blockquote>





	Never use a penis mold for Ice cream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LegendofMajora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegendofMajora/gifts), [tzaya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tzaya/gifts), [Spoontasti](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoontasti/gifts), [Redwithwhiteeyes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redwithwhiteeyes/gifts), [tastewithouttalent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tastewithouttalent/gifts).



"Some of my costumers have requested penises, but since I don't usually have fresh corpses at hand, I've been working on creating realistic erections. The fakes wont, of course, be able to get erect but this is a special project." Shinra smiled at the group before him, and continued on with strange enthusiasm. "I've already gotten all the proper bases and made the faux flesh, but I'm having trouble with th-" 

"Why the hell do people ask you for penises!?" Shizuo exclaimed, irritation and some amount of embarassent evident in his stern face. "Oh, well, you know.." Shinra said, but his smile had turned a little anxious, not really wanting to tell Shizuo the reason. He wanted his friend in a good mood for this to work, after all.

"Gang wars get awfully nasty, Shizu-chan! And really, don't you know of the typical punishment the local yakuza usually deal out? So naïve~" Izaya laughed at Shizuo from his position on the couch, directly across from Shizuo, who took up half of the other. "Hah? I'm not Native! That doesn't even make sense." Shizuo grumbled, ignoring the sound of Izaya laughing harder. "And anyway, you didn't answer the damn question." 

"They cut them off." Kadota answered, who was sitting beside Shizuo. "Chinese mafia started cutting off the balls, so now we Japanese have taken to cutting everything off to one up them. Most die, refusing to go to a hospital, but those who do end up having to use a tube thing to pee with. Of course it's humiliating for those men, so with Shinra offering plastic surgery I'm sure they thought he could offer this kind of service too." Kadota gave a weary glance at Shinra. "And apparently he does..."

"I'm not gonna ask how you know that." Shizuo looked like he wanted to be sick and Izaya practically doubled over with giggles. "Oi, flea! You're pretty shady, do you mess with people like that!?" Izaya smirked, eyes lighting up. "Are you worried? Aah, I knew it! Shizu-chan always pretends to want this ass, but I knew you liked my front parts best! After all, you're always so lewd and needy when you're sucking my-" 

"Could we please get back on topic here?" Shinra asked with an irritated smile. Walking over to his freezer, he pulled out a very big tray that had four slots. The tray was oddly shaped, like a gigantic ice tray but its four sides were shaped like upside down male genitalia with popsicle sticks peeking up from the out like some sick joke. It actually was a sick joke. It's my sick joke, but you're still reading. 

"So as I was saying earlier, I have made realistic skin and come up with a way to attatch the faux flesh to the patient. Only problem is, I have been struggling a bit with the shape vs functionality of the molds. There's no way the patients will be able to ejaculate, obviously, but I'd like to have them still able to pee without any type of tube or risk of infection." Grabbing the stick of one of the "molds" Shinra held it up for his friends to see. 

"Why's it such a weird color?" Shizuo asked frowning. Kadota looked slightly scandalized, only glancing at it every few seconds, while Izaya was smiling and observing the thing with odd curiousity. Sharing an amused look with Izaya, Shinra smiled and handed it to the Info Broker, who smirked little crudely, before sticking his tongue out and licking the tip of the fake penis. 

Shizuo stiffened and gave Izaya a wide eyed look, while Kadota seemed to choke on air. "I-Izaya-kun! That's gross!" Izaya lapped at it for a few minutes, befofe smirking at Shizuo. "Relax Shizu-chan. Its ice cream." Shinra nodded along, smiling at his friends. "Exactly! It's creamsicle. A type of orange shubert with vanilla on the inside. I thought it would be perfect for the occasion, and a fun way to get your opinions on the molds." He handed a dicksicle to everyone, and grabbed the last one for himself, even though he wasn't all that interested in it. Shinra took his seat then, resing beside a happy Izaya. He bagan to talk, ignoring the fact that neither Shizuo or Kadota seemed to hold much interest in putting their mouths on the cold cocks. 

Shinra was expaining the parts of the popdickle, and Izaya seemed happy, sucking on the head of his own cold creamy crotch. Izaya began to look particularly pleased when the vanilla started to come out of the tip. He ignored it though, letting it build, and instead began to lick the bottom of the treat where it was starting to melt. He wound up distracting Shinra enough for him to stop talking. Izaya sucked one shubert testical, before noticing the stop of speech. Izaya looked over to Shinra, who was trying hard not to blush. 

Shinra's storm cloud grey eyes met Izaya's curious rust ones, as Izaya leaned over to him. "Shinra! Your ice cream is starting to melt." Bending down over Shinra's dripping penilepop, Izaya licked up a trail of melted vanilla that had slid down the side of the treat. "O-Orihara-kun!" Shinra covered his mouth with his free hand, as red tint overtook his pale face. Shizuo, who had decided to try his testical treat, was now choking on it in shock. Kadota and lowered his from where he was going to take bite, letting it fall between his legs in shock.

Izaya popped his mouth off of Shinra's Coldcut, and looked over at Shizuo and Dotachin in amusement. "Ah, Kadota! Not you too! Seriously, at least Shizu-chan is enjoying his ice cream." At this, Shizuo shot Izaya a nasty glare, eyes hidden by his violet shades. He stood, long legs carrying him to Shinra's small kitchen, and dumped his sperm sweet in the trash muttering all the while about filthy fleas and frozen fuck-tools. He stayed there for awhile, trying to let his anger cool some. Eventually, he managed to go back into the living room.

There, he found Izaya kneeling between Kadota's legs, eyes closed, passionately sucking on little Dotachin. 

...

Or so Shizuo thought. After a few seconds of pained silence in which Shizuo thought he was feeling his second heartbreak, he realized it was just the ice penis. Still, Shizuo kind of wanted to punch Kadota for the embarrassed but lustful look on his face. No, Shizuo decided after a moment, he wanted to strangle him! Kadota had whimpered a bit, and when Izaya opened his lovely russet eyes curiously and looked at Kadota, Dotachin had actually moaned. 

Growling and trying not to think about the obvious bulges in both Shinra and Kadota's pants (but thankfully not in Izayas) Shizuo stomped over and grabbed Izaya's hand. "Next time, ask someone else to help you with your stupid erection equation for cock shapes!" And with that, a furious Shizuo dragged a confused Izaya out the door. They passed Celty on the way home, and shizuo was glad she made no comment on the half melted penis his boyfriend was still holding.

**Author's Note:**

> Aah, now I want a creamsicle.


End file.
